Accentuate The...Negative (Part 1)

Accentuate The...Negative (Part 1) options, originally uploaded by recovering lazyholic, found via kind over matter As creatives, we’re doubters. We doubt our talent, our ability. We doubt that the world will receive us positively. We doubt we can support ourselves without “stability”. We doubt that what we do is “good enough”, or “unique enough” â€" or just plain good unique. We worry. We take that Vampire voice, the one that whispers negative thoughts into our heads, listen to it. We let it take away our trust, our enthusiasm, our energy our optimism. Why does The Negative stick, The Positive gets thrown away? In two separate sessions with two separate clients â€" artists both â€" the theme of positivity/negativity came up, they were eerily similar. One client realized that she can listen to compliments on a loop for 24 hours â€" all genuine, all different, all sincere â€" without any of them sinking in, while that one negative comment, “You have no voice” or “You copy other people’s work” lays on her shoulders with every piece she works on. The other client discovered that he was embarrassed to send a link to his website to family friends, even though two of his relatives asked how they could get prints of his work. Even though he was getting positive feedback from putting his photos on his Facebook profile, his Vampire Voice was saying, ‘You’re not good enough” “You’re not perfect” “They’re all gonna laugh at you.” So, why is it that we don’t allow the positive comments, the kudos the accolades, sink in? Why does the one negative comment â€" or the fear of it â€" overshadow the 100 positive ones, or hinder our ability to move forward? When we go to paint, or set-up a shot, or perform a song, why does The Negative haunt us? Why don’t we allow ourselves to focus on the relatives that want our work hanging in their home, or on the fan emails we’ve received saying that something we’ve done meant something to someone else? Why can’t we accentuate The Positive? I wish I had the answer. Well, I kinda do. I have a few answers, actually. Obviously the same answer won’t apply to everyone, but here are some possibilities: You’re making yourself unresponsible for your own success. If you hide behind these negative comments, then you’re taking ownership away from yourself.   If you don’t let your friends family know that you have a website, that website has a shop, that shop will let you order prints, then you have something or someone else to blame when nobody pays you for your work. Youre not in the drivers seat. You use it as excuses to not move forward. Aren’t those excuses warm cozy? “I’m unoriginal”, “I’m embarrassed”, “What if they talk about me behind my back?”   Just like a blanket to hide under. You don’t want to be vulnerable. Let’s face it, being original unique is freakin’ scary. Putting yourself out there for the world to judge…shiver. If you just play it safe, then nothing can hurt you. You don’t want to set yourself up for disappointment. I spoke in my recent vlog post about covering up The Good Things so it doesn’t look like you’re bragging. And, if you start believing The Good Things, then you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. Right? I know I conditioned myself as an actress to never allow a good callback â€" one complete with a lot of positive reinforcement â€" to make me think I booked something. Because, when I didn’t, that wall I spent so much time building up would come tumbling down, I’d be more than disappointed. I’d be devastated. But now I’m a life coach, here to make my clients see all the good they bring into the world, all they have to offer. And let’s face it: we all have something unique to bring to the table. Even if your style of painting or photography or dancing is similar to someone else’s (that’s why broad categories like “Pop Art” “Modern Dance” exist), it doesn’t mean that it’s a copy. It can’t be. If you go to a ballet, do you see the same routine every single time? If you see a still life exhibit, does every bowl of fruit contain the same fruits, shot or painted the same way with the same colors the same style? Of course not. It’s impossible, really. So how do you embrace you? How do you allow yourself to be vulnerable, and not only hear the positive comments but embrace them, letting them guide you to creating your best work having fun in the process (because, let’s face it, it’s never a good time with a vampire on your back)? Ill be back tomorrow with some ideas, but until then, please comment with your own! Id love to hear how you accentuate The Positive (e-lim-en-ate the negative.)!